My experience as a stalking victim


Stalking is a serious crime. It is not cute, romantic, or funny.

I was in a long relationship before my current one. It was about 3 years or so in length. My ex boyfriend was long distance, we only saw each other in person maybe 3–5 times if I recall correctly. We met when we were young (around 10–11 or so) on a story building website and casually talked until I think I was maybe….15 or 16 if I remember? I has always had a phobia of being single, due to a variety of issues in my past. He was the first person I clung onto (not my first boyfriend).

He sexually coerced me the entire relationship with phone sex and web cam sex. I never, ever felt comfortable with any of this. I made it clear that I wasn’t comfy, and he insisted. I think I talked myself into it, only because I had the deluded, young mindset of “well, I’m his girlfriend, I’m supposed to do this” (which, children and adults of all ages, is NOT the right way to think or do anything).

I believe the stalking happened since the beginning of the relationship, but I didn’t notice it until we were in the downward spiral of the relationship. I began college in august 2012, and my boyfriend (who was home schooled) had NO concept of how much more difficult college actually was, compared to high school. He would be jealous of me spending time with new friends and not understand why I would take so much longer with assignments (and the like), and how mentally i was often burnt out from everything, I just wasn’t in the mood to talk to any of my online friends.

My good friend (who is my current fiance) noticed I didn’t seem to genuinely smile a lot. He asked if I was truly happy, and if I wanted to talk about anything, he was an open ear. His words sank in deep. I realized that I had completely deluded myself into being happy. It was all a fucking act. My brain was so desperate for a “happy, secure” relationship, that it tricked itself into thinking it was genuinely in love.

The relationship ended in February 2013. I shit you not, the moment I sent the instant message “I want to break up” (I don’t remember exactly what it was, but I did say those words), he began ringing up my phone, non-fucking-stop. I blocked his phone number and it took about 5 minutes for my phone company to make it official. The entire time, he would absolutely not stop calling. He was sending me angry messages over instant messenger the entire time, asking what had happened and how could I do this (and other similar messages, some borderline threatening).

I was continually harassed by him through instant messanger and social media. My friend had let me know that he was spying on me Facebook by looking at that “instant update feed” (I don’t know if Facebook still has this feature? ) where anytime your friends on Facebook do anything in anything (that had a public or friends setting), it instantly updated. He wanted to know what I was doing on social media. He watched every post I made, every picture I posted, every “like” I made, every time I made a post in a group that happened to be public (yeah, I don’t join those groups anymore for this very reason), etc. It freaked me the fuck out.

This went on until mid-summer. The only reason it stopped was because I was finally able to change my information and block him (and his family) on all electronic devices, so he would no longer be able to contact me. My social media has always had an alias as well, so he wouldn’t be able to find me again.

A few months after this was finalized, one of our mutual friends on Facebok happened to tag a post with both of our names in it (my ex not knowing it was me in the tag, cause I had a totally new account with alias and all at this point in time). I had a full blown panic attack, because I only saw his name (no picture, just the name). My counselor later told me that my panic attack resembled a PTSD level of panic. This was a shocker to me.

Thankfully my counselor and I have worked on things so my symptoms are now manageable. However, I am telling my story, because this is serious shit. People do not take sexual coercion or stalking seriously, when they fucking need to.

I’m a queer adopted healthcare worker who writers in their spare time. I have a MPH degree.